probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
