I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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