HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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