I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
