I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
