Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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