"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
