Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
