I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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