You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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