did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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