you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
