Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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