so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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