STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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