TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
