oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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