im having a threesome with these popsicles
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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