I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
too bad you live with your parents still
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
