Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
