i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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