all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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