My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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