people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
