Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
