we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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