She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
