turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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