I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
