He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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