i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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