i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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