But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry my hands just texted you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
