i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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