gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
