It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bring money and cleavage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
