I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
