no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
