3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
