Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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