Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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