Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
