Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sex in a hospital.. check
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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