guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize