That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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