so explain again why im purple
no
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone came in the potted fern
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
