i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
