You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
