Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
