I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
