I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
