Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
