I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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