we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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