Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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