I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I AM VODKA MAN
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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