I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
