i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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