This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
