So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
