Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
