Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
