Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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