Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
