I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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