i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
