Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
