Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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